Your BrEaKiNg Point......

I have questioned myself a lot this past week, How long can I go on, why does this keep happening to me, when is it that I will break down completely? 

For those of you that know me My husband and I have been married for a year and 5 months, we will be at three years of being together this upcoming New years Eve.  We decided a year ago yesterday that we were ready to start our family!!  Such and exciting time in our lives or so I thought!!  April started the downward spiral of my sanity!! A miscarriage what newly wed and first time mom wants to start out with such a horrible thing!! This was hard on us but we grew so much closer as a couple and then I decided to get healthy in hopes of things looking up!! Finally after 6 months we found out that I was pregnant again!! This was it things were different this time and I would be able to tell people i was expecting by Christmas!! Unfortunately some force of nature decided it wasnt time for us to have our family and things ended the same way and with such heartache once again!! This wasnt happening to me!! I questioned myself. What did I do wrong, did I lift too much, did I worry to much, did I physically stress myself too much..... I was distraught to find out that this was actually happening a second time!! The doctor thought that it was just another "bad luck" incident!  He instructed me to take a baby asa a day incase by chance I have a clotting disorder that could be causing miscarriages!!  I did and thought its ok we will bounce back things will happen I know I will become a mother soon!!
Well things arent as easy as they seem!! Unfortunately in our case THIRD time isnt always the charm!! I am completely and totally numb!! What did I do so wrong for this to happen to me!! It takes me back to the anger stage!!! Three miscarriages in a year really??!!  I feel like such a failure to my husband!! The dream of being a mother well i have recently heard myself saying in conversations if I am ever able to have children! In my mind and after the horrible year we have had I have given up hope that my body will ever be able to sustain a pregnacy!! I just dont know if I can go thru this again!! I dont know where my breaking point is but I do know that it isnt far away!! 

Good days bad days!!!

Sorry its been so long since i have been able to blog!! My computer crashed and I had to send it in to get it repaired!! Emotionally lately I have been ok!! Every now and again i have and off day!! Other peoples posts sometimes affect me still but i try not to let that get me down!! Sometimes its just hard!! I am really happy for those who are expecting however i still get a lil depressed!! I am 6 weeks away from original due date and for some reason i cant get that out of my head!! Hubby and I have been doing little odds and ends getting the house ready for THanksgiving which I am hosting this year!!

On a lighter note i have lost 25 pounds now!! Halfway to goal and hoping to be down 15 by the 10th of November!! Hoping to buy myself a new outfit before heading out to see Jenelle!!

Hope all have a great week!!

Week 3 1/2 check in!!!

Howdy yall,

I have been extremely busy this week worked my 4 shifts!! Census at work is down so hopefully I dont get cut any in the upcoming week!!! Things are going good with the diet!! They hubby and I are on track and have been until today!! We had lunch at church which was my supper because I had been up since working last night!! We both did good at keeping our portions in control!! I then made the hubby his favorite chicken dip for his first football sunday off!!! I had a small portion and dont feel like I over ate!!  I am down 15 pounds now!! Plans for this next week is to hit the elliptical a few more times and then go swimming with the wonderful Gaige and Ashlee!!!

Spirits have been looking up for me this week!! I dont know why but I feel like something lifted a weight off of my shoulder!!! Hoping for a good week!! Gonna spend wednesday evening with mom and dad and then possibly tomorrow evening with ronda!! Hope everyone has a blessed week!!

Tomorrow is a new day and back to hitting the diet on schedule!!! :)

Oops!!

Howdy yall,

Well due to work I missed my week 2 checkin so I am just gonna weight (lol) until the end of the week and I am at week 3 to checkin!! Its been a busy couple of weeks for me and the hubby!! The diet is going well he is doing really good!! Really missing the all you can eat shrimp at redlobster tho!! I made it to the doctor last week and the appt went well!! The doctor really seemed like he was listening and really wanted to help me!! I had some blood work done, progesterone levels, glucose testing, amenorrhea testing, and and accucheck!! I was really impressed!! He seemed ready to try clomid and provera starting this week and then the blood work came back normal which is a good thing but a bad thing for me because now he wants to wait and see how I do for 3 more months!! Im so FREAKING FRUSTERATED!!!!!!! I am sick of waiting!! Thats what i have done for the last 9 months!!! My old doctor that i had to leave due to changing insurances was ready to help us 2 months after trying!! GRRRRR!!!! I guess i just dont know what to think!!! So i guess thats it for now!! More updates later!! Hope you all have a wonderful week!!!

Week One CHECKIN!!

Howdy yall!!

I am checking in a day early just because the next four days of my life will be work and sleep!! I have been weighing in daily as my book has a spot for me to keep track of the pounds and am happy to announce that I have lost 4 pounds!! A little motivation to keep on going!! I have been on the elliptical 3 times in the last week also!! I will prolly slack off and not get on at all during the next four days but plan on running my butt off at work!! LOL!! Matt started the diet with me yesterday and is being very positive about it!! Even tho has been joking around with me he told me he really does want to stick with this!! AWESOME!! I couldnt have a better support system!! Our first mini goal is to lose 15 pounds a peice and then we can go out to eat!! Of course we will keep our meal in check out to eat also!! Working on a more positive view of life and reading on my new book!! The Bounce Back Book!! Have a wonderful weekend everyone I am looking forward to sunday morning at 8am!!!

Day 3

The past few days I have worked so I was unable to post!! I have done really good with trying to start my portion controling!! Our food should arrive tomorrow so my Hubby will be joining me on the diet starting Tuesday!!! He has his fantasy football draft tomorrow so i will give him the pass to not start until then!!! Went to the grocery and got stocked up on everything I needed today so here we go!!! I am gonna start with a 30 day challange!! It started on August 25!!! I will weight in every week and hope to see a lil progress as we go!!! I also picked up and inspirational book today so TIP 1 is........Be a FORWARD Thinker!! Will check back in later this week!!

Day One

Diet starts today!!  I woke up unusually early for some reason!! My body just doesnt like more than 8 hrs of sleep anymore!! LOL!! Had a shake for breakfast and have had a glass and half of water already!! Spaced evenly to not make me feel bloated!! Hubby is going to start diet next week with me!! We are gonna do the nutrisystem like i did before but mainly because they have a new plan now! It comes with a cookbook to use on weekends!! Very excited about this plan!! Gonna get on the elliptical before work today and planning on spacing 5 more meals and snacks throughout the day today (well and tonight seeing as my day goes until 830 tomorrow morning!!) I can do this and WILL do this!! Hope everyone is having a blessed thursday!! I will be checking in and dropping a line every few days or every day if i need the encouragement to keeep going and to not cheat!! If anyone has any inspirational quotes to leave they would be much appreciated!!

The past few months and why I quit posting!!

Its been an interesting last few months!!  My life has kinda spiraled outta control for a few months and I hoping to get it back on track starting next week!!  A list of things have transpired!!
I found out in March that I was expecting my first child a joyous occasion for Matt and I!!! SO excited to finally find out the news we had longed to hear!! I refused to tell anyone until making it 12-14 weeks to make sure things were ok!! We unfortunately found out at our first doctors appointment that I would not be having a Thanksgiving baby as planned!! I took the news very hard and fell into a depression!!  I felt hurt, lost, pissed, sad, sorry, confused and many many more emotions all at once!!!  I am still very angry about the situation but everyday!! My thoughts are why me why now!! I quit smoking, started prenatal vitamins and fish oil 5 months prior, was taking care of my body, I was married, was at a point in my life where I was physically, emotionally, and financially ready for a baby!! I then felt ashamed for being mad about people who didn't want a baby or weren't ready for a baby getting them!! I still to this day cry over the situation and am not 100 percent psyched about hearing about others getting pregnant!! I had some friends that i spoke with about the situation that cryed with me while others were very heartless and said when the times right it will happen!! SERIOUSLY I may have only had a 10 week fetus in me but it was supposed to be my first child!! Don't judge me for being upset about losing that!!!  In the process of going thru these emotions and events I then gained weight!! Alot of weight for a short period of time!! Food was my comfort and it made me feel good!! I am back to being as heavy as i was before I lost all my weight on the nutra system before I started nursing school!!  Depression still heavy over my head and now another thing to be upset about!! Throw a new job into the mix and you have a hectic life!!

Its now time to get life back on schedule!! My husband has agreed to go on a diet with me and we are gonna work on getting a good exercise regime started up!! I feel finally like a load has been lifted off of my shoulders because things are starting to look up!! I am hoping that the weight loss plan with help to get my mind off of wanting to be a mom so bad that things fall into place!! I know i am ready and would love to start our small little family but God has different plans!!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and hopefully I have nothing but positive things in the future!! I plan to use this as a guide and check in for my weekly progress!! If anyone has any suggestions on motivational ways to work down the weight while eating healthy let me know!! I don't want to use any harsh chemicals!!

Weekends Over

My hubby and I had the weekend off together which was wonderful!! We were able to do a little sport shooting on saturday since it was so nice out and got to run our dog at the woods!! He isnt the best swimmer yet but boy did he have fun trying!! Sunday was wonderful as well!! We went and welcomed our couple friends Steve and Brandy home from the hospital with Ashlynn Nicole!! It was so nice to see them and get to meet there beautiful baby girl that is TINY!! She was 5pounds 11.4 ounce at birth!! Holding her sure brought on the baby fever!!! We ended up playing Eukre with them like old times minus the drinks!! Today was a lazy day as we both have to go back to work for the week but had some suprise visitors show up!! My aunt and uncle stopped to see our new house which was nice!! They didnt stay long because we were just getting ready to eat supper!! I branched out on my meals tonight and tried lasanga!! It turned out perfect!! Husband said definately a repeat!!! Remember if anyone has any recipe suggestions that would be amazing!!! Have a happy Monday everyone!!!

Recipes!!!

Howdy yall,

This post is to maybe generate some ideas for healthy cooking, cooking ideas that are quick and easy or just a recipe that you want to share!! I work full time as a nurse and my husband works full time!! He works 12hr shifts opposed to my 8s!! I want to be able to get up and fix food for him but sometimes I have only been to sleep for a few hours when he is getting up!! If anyone has any ideas of anyone to link up with and follow just leave me there link!!! My recipe for the day!! Cream of broccoli soup, one can water, 3 chicken breasts, 1/8tsp of pepper 3/4 cup white rice!! Mix all but the chicken throw them in a 8*8 pan place chicken on top sprinkle with paprika and cook for 45 min at 350!! First time I ever made it was tonight and my hubby loved it!!! Any suggestions would be appreciated!!!

Starting my blog

Howdy yall,

I am offically out there on the net as a blogger!! I cant wait to connect with many others!! I just figured this out kinda!! Got my profile set and background and now its about that time to head to work!! Hope to figure out how find other bloggers and become followers thru the weekend!!!